Just How Shy I Am

My friends think I’m rather bold (dear friends, correct me if I’m wrong)

But I am actually such a mouse. Yes, I said a ‘mouse’.

I remember back in secondary school I did rather “bold” things. I remember how I think in my SS1 (or JSS3 can’t really remember now), because the social gathering for the beginning of the term did not hold after three long weeks, I got dressed up in my ‘mofty’ (That’s a word we used for normal clothes, because we wore uniforms) and in my head I led a demonstration all the way to the school auditorium. I wanted students to follow suite, but I didn’t really expect it but, it happened (I can’t believe I am typing all this). With my lil’ mini skirt (Yes, even I can’t believe I wore a mini skirt, oh wait…I had leggings underneath with some funky shoes) and my full head of hair, I screamed, chanted things I really don’t remember, till I caught the attention of the teaching staff. My stressing worked apparently, I think we did have a social gathering the following week. I wasn’t even the social prefect of the school at the time, but I was just really upset the one event I looked forward to just hadn’t happened. The music, the dancing, I get to be silly, you know, stuff like that. Now I wish I had pictures of that moment, but I don’t so, yeah. Too bad.

The back of my mind tells me that this deed among many others is actually plain silly or just darn ridiculous but then again, Isn’t being bold ridiculous and silly sometimes? Well, that’s a story for another blog

Today, I did something, no… a couple of things that reminded me how I have truly gone into my shell, or rather, hid behind my whiskers (Cos’ I’m a mouse now).

After some hours at the library, this is sister was hungry. But I waited till I got to my own neighbourhood to get a subway sandwich. Now, I was hungry, I had a heavy backpack on my back and I just wanted me a sandwich. I got into the eatery and my eyes met with a scrumptious, skin-looking-like-an-expensive-latte-, hair-that-north-west-aint-got-nothin-on, chunk of male. Oh yeah, I said it. He looked too good to be sitting in subway. You know what I did, despite the long walk to get to the eatery, the hunger my stomach had endured, and the weight I’ve been carrying round West London? I stepped one foot into the shop, turned out, and walked away really quickly. Why did I do that? Because I am a ‘mouse’.

There’s something else I do all the time. Not just today, but every single day of my life.

I walk really fast, no matter where I am, no matter where I am going. I walk like I’m being chased or watched. I’ve told people that this is the way I walk because walking slowly wears me out, and I just can’t stand walking slowly, makes me feel rather lazy. This is only half truth. I do it so as to leave the area in which I am in ASAP. Like a what? ‘Mouse’. Oh, and I don’t look down when I walk (anymore), which may mislead one. I’m not looking forward because I am the most confident person in world. What I do is, I purposely narrow my sight to what is in front of me, so I can’t see what’s left or right, and I always have music in my ears, so I don’t hear when someone might just be looking for my attention.

I reject Skype calls and invitations to Skype calls as often as I pat dry my oily nose. Why? Because I’m so shy. The few times I do have skype call, I spend at least 2 minutes with the camera off or pointing at the ceiling, so I can prep fake boldness. Then for the first few seconds, I use my small chubby hands to either pat my oily nose dry or cover my whole face. Like a Mouse, Because I am such a ‘mouse’.

When it comes to crushes…. (LOL) It takes me 2 weeks to gather courage to talk to the person, male or female. But I go to where that person goes, sit where they sit, I cram their smell, so I can tell where they have been. I walk really quickly past them. Oh Lord, I’m such a mouse

Okay Davina, What about when you dance or sing or speak in public or something?

The worst. That’s when I’m most shy, but this is what I do. I have astigmatism and I’m slightly short sighted, So when I’m on stage or in front of a crowd, truth is I really can’t see anyone. I just see colours and shapes. So I just go ‘head and do my thang. (LOL) In front of the camera? Well, I had to do a course to get over that fear tbh.

Ladies and gentlemen, yes. This just how shy I am.

Just believe me when I say I’m a mouse, okay?

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4 thoughts on “Just How Shy I Am

  1. Hello mouse. You’re not alone. 😊
    i do all that when i get really shy too, from walking fast to headphones to focusing my vision on just whats in front of me and so on.
    Well you do soo well in front of a camera for a really shy person.

  2. Nigg* what the hell are you shy for…I think with time this is something we all overcome…when I was little I used to be really shy…like really shy in front of women. I swear I could have an attack that’s how bad it was..,but now my confidence is 💯 (more like 90…hmm nah probably a 70%). To me you ain’t shy cause what you do totally contradicts this. Lol at I just see colours and shapes. So I just go ‘head and do my thang. (LOL) I

  3. The worst. That’s when I’m most shy, but this is what I do. I have astigmatism and I’m slightly short sighted, So when I’m on stage or in front of a crowd, truth is I really can’t see anyone. I just see colours and shapes. So I just go ‘head and do my thang. (LOL) In front of the camera? Well, I had to do a course to get over that fear tbh.

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