It’s been a while, I know. I’m sorry. I do not even have a proper excuse.
Except that, I won’t be blogging about my dissertation so much, or at least not the way I thought I would do. For reasons best known to me.
Nevertheless, I do have something to share right now, that I think will help a lot of people.
So here I go,
Referring to a question I was asked by a brilliant young lady, Sola Fagbemi, for her MEET THE BLOGGERS series on her site, I was asked:
“Given a time remote, what would you go back to change?”
Well… because I of the way I am, I never give a predictable answer (I might be wrong) I replied:
[Just in case you want to read the full interview, click here]
Now, recently… I was tired of studying one faithful Friday afternoon … so I switched to my webcam on my laptop and I (have no idea why I did that but I) started going back through the pictures and videos taken with the webcam. It was like I was being taken back in time. Doing this I realised, I was using my own time remote.
I’ll explain… (That’s why I’m writing this post in the first place so… Leggo)
During my final year (2013 – 2014) at Covenant University (where I got my Bachelors degree in Accounting) I kept a video diary. Sometimes I would record myself 5 times a day, sometimes once, sometimes just 3 times a week, all depending on how much I needed to let out and how many times I needed to cry or express something I felt nobody else would really understand. My belief at the time was that I did not have anyone who I could talk to about (a lot of) certain things, so my laptop became a very good friend of mine because, it wouldn’t talk back in condemnation and judgement, or in some other insensitive way human beings behave some times, it would just listen. And in the midst of the silence, I was forced to listen to myself, and listen to that tiny voice within that we usually ignore or not hear at all.
Watching the videos, I laughed, I cried, I saw the emotion for each video, I understood where I was coming from, I understood the feeling, thus it made me understand why I did some things during that period and why I didn’t do some things. I even posted a bit of an entry on my snapchat because I thought it was entertaining to see how upset I was at that point in time. LOL! But, I wont be sharing any more.
I spent an hour going through videos, and in that hour, I saw my present self differently. I recorded an entry straight after. So yes, I have started keeping a video diary again, Its been 4 days now, and honestly, I’m beginning to feed off my own understanding and companionship with myself to love myself.
Why did I stop recording entries for my video diary? Well… in all honesty, when I think about it, I did not have an excuse to. Though, at the top of my mind, I think it’s because, I felt I needed something (asides keeping myself so busy with extra curricular activities such as dance, at the University) to use as a tool to hold on to my sanity as I looked forward to leaving the University. But when I finally graduated, I was superficially convinced I was not in a position to lose my sanity [You may think I’m exaggerating, but I promise you, I am not].
Where did I get the Idea from? Is it something that popped into my head or what?
Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, Keeping a video diary is another lesson I have learnt from Beyonce Knowles-Carter.
Her HBO documentary “Life is But a Dream” was heavily seeded with video entries, she recorded on her laptop.
Don’t take my words for it though. I won’t direct you to the full documentary but I will direct you to a video that talks about the importance of her video diaries and how it was what made “Life is But a Dream” so intimate. Click Here
She talked about how talking out loud to her computer screen let her listen to her thoughts effectively and helped her figure out her issues. I think this is such an important part of one’s self journey. Understanding yourself and being your own consultant sometimes (Lil’ Wayne said that. LOL)
I think everyone should keep a video diary, not just for the fun of it, but for the sake of understanding yourself more, and having your own personal time remote, so you can relive all those moments and their emotions.
Oh and be selfish with it, its for YOU and ONLY YOU! Password the folder or something, just hide it. It’s just for you. Don’t be afraid to cry like a baby, don’t be afraid to just stare at the screen for as many minutes needed before you start speaking, don’t be afraid to just be, nobody is watching, its just you. Don’t “form” for yourself, Be real. Be raw. Be you.
It’s helped me (A LOT). I’m absolutely sure it will help you too (Especially if you’re like me and cannot be bothered writing in a book every day, I hate doing that, especially because I just get tired and my handwriting is awful!)
If you do start and are having a good time with it, and its really helping you understand yourself better and all that good stuff, let me know by leaving a comment or tweeting at me! @DavinaOriakhi
Till the next Post
P.S. If you haven’t heard my new single “Mr Society” yet
Well… I will forgive you and give you a link to it. Mr Society (Prod. By Music Mahn) – Davina Oriakhi